Honesty moment for a minute. For the past few months (far too long) I've allowed myself to become subject to an awful enemy, depression. I hate it, yet when it started coming on I really did try to fight it. I thought at times that I had succeeded but then there are other times that I can't hide from it any longer.
I just went through 2 years of my blog, which wasn't really that hard to do because i've slacked off so much, but looking at the pics my smile was so much brighter. The words I wrote were much happier. hmmm...makes ya think for a minute, and then it makes me get down right upset with myself. Don't get me wrong because i know that i have SO MUCH to be eternally grateful for. But i suppose I just "like" to dwell on the rest.
I've started a class, like counseling somewhat, about self-analysis and getting to truly know yourself. It's been interesting so far. But after seeing my blog I AM SO READY to find happiness again. I miss smiling and laughing til I pee my pants.
So, here's your warning: Soon, very soon (with the help of big man upstairs) I will be the goofy adult with so much zest for life that I will be skipping and singing through parking lots. I'll be the wacko rocking out to her music in her car. I'll be the person who you will wonder why I'm smiling (what's tucked up my sleeve).
(oh see just the thought of that makes my mouth corners turn up...so goal for tomorrow: skip to class. LOL)
here's my favorite song lately. The lyrics just speak to me, maybe you'll like it too.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag; drifting through the wind; wanting to start again.
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin; like a house of cards; One blow from caving in.
Do you ever feel already buried deep; Six feet under scream; but no one seems to hear a thing.
Do you know that there's still a chance for you; cause there's a spark in you.
You just gotta ignite the light; and let it shine; just own the night; like the fourth of july.
'cause baby you're a firework; come on show 'em what you're worth; make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"; as you shoot across the sky.
baby you're a firework; come on let your colors burst; make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"; you're gonna leave 'em fallin' down.
you don't have to feel like a waste of space; you're original, cannot be replaced; if you only knew what the future holds; after a hurricane comes a rainbow.
maybe the reason why all the doors are closed; so you could open one that leads you to the perfect road.
Like a lightning bolt; your heart will blow; and when it's time, you'll know.
You just gotta ignite the light; and let it shine; just own the night; like the fourth of july.
'Cause baby you're a firework; come on show 'em what you're worth; make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!", as you shoot across the sky.
Baby you're a firework; come on let your colors burst; make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"; You're gonna leave 'em all in awe.
Boom, boom, boom; even brighter than the moon, moon, moon; it's always been inside of you, you, you; and now it's time to let it through.
'Cause baby you're a firework; come on show 'em what your worth; make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"; as you shoot across the sky.
Baby you're a firework; come on let your colors burst; make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"; you're gonna leave 'em all in awe.
Boom, boom, boom; even brighter than the moon, moon, moon; boom, boom, boom; even brighter than the moon, moon, moon.
"Firework" - Katy Perry
