i have pics finally....and ALOT OF RAMBLING

As if I didn't have enough on my plate to worry and fret about right now (financially speaking), I figured it was time to take myself on a mini vaca...ok so really I had just come home (well was on my home) from a weekend in St. George when it hit me that I needed a real vaca, not helping someone move and spending my entire weekend cleaning (which is a whole other story).

Let me back up a few years. lol. not really but..so 2 years ago one of my very bestest of friends moved to AZ and I have yet to visit her there. The last few months I have desperately needed some sort of distraction from HERE (not that life here isn't wonderful and full of joy, but sometimes despite all the blessings there is a whirlwind of disaster too) . So like i said i decided on the way home from st. george that no more waiting for me to get a job (that's what i kept telling myself, once i got a job i could go) because i realized that once i had a job and school going how the hell would i ever find time to get away. it was now or never...well ok i hope not really but I NEEDED it so i tried to logic it that way. i text krissie sunday afternoon and asked what her plans were for the following weekend. her response was to spend it with me. we were on the same page. i decided to leave thursday and come home sunday. only missing 2 days of class, which i had talked to my professors and found out nothing was really going on anyways.

I told my friend tj my plan...ok back up a little bit here too. tj is my little helper right now. he is my best friend (among a few others). he sees something in me that not many people see and pushes me to fight for it. he is the one who got me in counseling (which thinking of, i need to get back to doing that) and has paid for it all. he is who i was in st. george with, it's his family that lives there and his sister that we were helping move.

So, on with my story...i told tj my plans of going to AZ (which we had talked about before because his brother lives there and we thought that eventually we'd make it down together to see both his brother and krissie) --sorry this story is messy because i like to tell all parts, so another side note, tj is staying with his family for....um....we don't know, until he feels like coming back north or until work starts back up.--tj, is also my little protector, i'm not allowed to drive in snow, walk across the street to the grocery store after dark, stop in "shady" areas of town, or anything that could possibly be "unsafe" (secretly i really like this, no one has ever really cared before) so with that being said, he of course opposed to my driving me and the kids all the way to phoenix and requested that we pit stop in st. george and pick him up and he would drive us the remainder of the way.

thursday morning at 5:58 am zaden and i backed out of the driveway and headed to ivy's dads to pick her up and were off. we made awesome time, the kids were outstanding, i think they are born to be little road-trippers (wahoo) they never fussed or whined or anything so the drive was rather pleasant. UNTIL we got off the freeway on st. george blvd and zaden puked all over. luckily tj's brothers house was less than 5 minutes away so i called and told them to be ready for me with towels.

after a bath and an hour of playing we loaded back into the car and set sail for AZ.
(the kids were begging me to take pics of them, how could a momma say no?)





(This made me laugh, the kids were being super super quiet so i turned around and
they were both sleeping with blankies on their heads.)



it was little sotera's 6th birthday thursday (i had thought it was on saturday, oops) so we surprised her and claimed to be her birthday present. she was thrilled and so surprised. I had SO much fun. it was nice to just relax and be around good company. we didn't make ourselves super busy sightseeing or anything, which was fine by me, all i needed was krissie time.
(i know this is the ugliest or goofiest pic of myself but i had to post it because right
before i snapped it tj warned me to not close my eyes)


(i really don't think this one is any better though,
my eyes are open but they are super exhausted after no sleep the night before)

(oh he is so funny, so funny i think i had drink coming out of my nose.)



(we played wits and wagers, tj's favorite game, and during it krissie and chad started
marking each other, thank goodness it wasn't sharpies that we were using)

(our last day we decided to let the kids do something extra fun and took the to the fountains)
(zaden absolutely loved it, he wouldn't get out)




(on the way home, we were stuck in a pretty bad blizzard and the kids were so good,
well i found out why when i turned around and saw this...thank goodness for girl scout cookies)
(little miss did so good at cleaning up chocolate boy for me so i could focus on the snowy roads.)


some, i'm sure, have judged me for taking this trip (you know me being a financial mess and not having an income and crying about bills all the time) but the gas money was well worth the recharge i got. krissie talks openly to me, tells me what i need to do but in a way that is out of love and kindness and full of respect. things were said to me that made me feel so much better about myself, who i am (which by the way i felt more alive there then i have in so long), what i deserve, and how i need to go about getting it.

this trip was better than that even (can you believe it?? could it seriously get any better?) tj and i had a few good conversations too. we cleared a few things out of the air between us, and krissie had a big old chat with him (he's only known this downer moody sad girl) about who i am and what i need from him. he couldn't quit saying how lucky i was to have a friend like that. a true TRUE friend. someone who deep down to their soul cares. and he pointed out another friend of mine whom he believes cares the same so i'm twice blessed there. and you know what I AM!!

I was super sad to leave, i called her house my paradise. it was perfect weather, i didn't have to really worry about or entertain the kids, i laughed so much, i started to come back to life even if just ever so slightly...

i thank you krissie and chad for allowing me a minute to get away from my reality and be able to enjoy life. thank you tj for driving us there safely and taking such good care of us always. and thank you dear Lord for my friends! for their rescue, for allowing me to remember what really matters in life.