Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Sneak Peak

Today Mom and I had a photo session with Little Man. I really want to get his pics taken professionally but with money being limited I decided to try them on my own, and I need them done for his birth announcement.

I must concede that we did pretty well. I'm very happy with how they turned out, and bonus, Lover Boy was very impressed too.


Am I lucky or what, isn't he the cutest little guy ever?!


I was tagged a few weeks ago to list 6 quirks...I've procrastinated because I like to think that I'm 100% normal and don't have a quirk. lol!!

1. I'm a multi-tasker! Well that's what I like to call it anyways. I get really motivated to do something, so I start it, but then I'm easily distracted or lose interest so then I move on to another task. I have a million unfinished projects: painting the trim in Little Princess's room and hallway (Lover boy even wiped ugly marks on it to get me to do it sooner, but...), scrapbooking, cleaning the "craft area", organizing my room, craft projects, Little Man's bedding and curtains, etc. I'm really bad at finishing what I start:(

2. I am very specific in things that I want. For example my wedding dress, I knew exactly how I wanted it in my head. Since I knew in my head I knew that I wouldn't be able to find it somewhere so we were planning on having it made...luckily I found a perfect one for a very reasonable price when trying on different style to see how I wanted the waist line. Little Man's bedding....I saw a piece of scrapbook paper and wanted it to be a blanket, so of course I couldn't find that blanket that I saw in my head anywhere so I have to make it (hence, why it isn't finished yet). I end up making or altering all of my decor for my house because of my "quirk". If I want a new pair of shoes, I somehow get this fabulous picture in my head of the "perfect" shoe yet of course I can't find it anywhere, same goes for clothes. I wish I could just save myself some hassle and frustration sometimes by just being able to walk into a store and see something I love and just buy it without thinking how it could be "better".

3. I just noticed this today, but when the toilet paper is nearly out, you know when you grab some and are about to tear but then there's only a square or 2 left on the roll, I absolutely hate to "waste" (lol) those last few squares, I have to tear them off and use them!

4. I'm very specific on things in my house. Don't touch anything or move it or add to my things. I hate it (ok so this is more of a pet peeve). Funny thing is, Lover Boy is always doing things for me in our house that requires things to be moved, and 9/10 times I prefer the way he has rearranged it, however it still irritates me...maybe I'm secretly jealous because I wish I could've thought of it and want all the credit. Lol, honestly I think I just hit the nail on the head.

5. I am constantly picking up things. I can't stand for there to be anything out (I got this from my mom, we've just noticed). Like on Christmas, as soon as a gift was opened I ran to get a garbage bag to put the paper in and had to pick it up after each opening...it's kinda silly, and I would like to be able to just enjoy the moment, but that is how I enjoy the moment...WHEN IT"S CLEAN:) (Ironically, my house is always cluttered, but...I'm not a perfectionist or anal about cleaning, I just like to keep the obvious done)

6. Before I go to bed (unless I'm completely exhausted) I have to lay on my right side for about 5 minutes then switch to my left with my leg extended and my arms positioned just right. It's the same every night.

Wish Me LUCK!!...maybe determination is better than luck

So last year I followed my friends blog that she started for a group....biggest loser. It was so awesome to SEE her progress. She posted pics and kept up on her blog so that you saw her struggles but then how she'd overcome them too. It was a very inspirational weight loss blog. So I just stumbled on their blog for this year http://biggestloser2009.blogspot.com/ and decided that I wanted to join them this year. So here we go.

My plan is to tighten up and tone up...my only hang up is when I truly focus on things sometimes it works in the reverse for me but hopefully this time I'll have so much motivation that I'll actually be able to do it:)

My personal goals:
(well since I haven't measured myself officially I won't be so specific right now, but that will come later)
I don't have a desired weight, because I'm fine with my current weight and it's just a number to me that I can easily lie on when someone asks....so no specific # in mind...maybe later too.
I'd like to lose my belly flab (the joy of the leftovers from having a baby)
Tone my legs and arms
Get rid of that awful back fat:(
hmmm....maybe that's it, just tone up!!

My plan:
Eat 5 a day (fruits and veggies)
eat only 1 dessert, no second helpings (because I love desserts I always like to have another serving)
Exercise 5 days a week of at least 45 minutes (walking, pilates, weights)

Cheers to a New Year and a Happy Life and hopefully Goodbye to some unwanted inches.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

The Bitter Sweet

Can I just say I HATE having to share my child. She's mine, mine, mine!! Ok so I guess I do know that it takes 2 to create that masterpiece, but....ugh! It's hard to share, especially when you are as selfish as I am.
Before I get too carried away though I must compliment Little Princess's Daddy. He really is an awesome dad. He takes her 2 week nights and has her sleep over, then every other weekend. He's never not showed up. Occasionally he might be late, but he always shows up and takes her. She loves her daddy. I'm sure if I gave her the chance to choose who she'd rather spend time with, she'd choose her daddy...which could hurt my feelings, however I look at it as such a blessing. He and his little family is so good to her and they love her otherwise she wouldn't get so excited to go there.
Well, it being Christmas morning and waking up again(our agreement is that she spend Christmas Eve with her Daddy and his family and then Christmas Day with ME!) without Little Princess does make me a bit sad. However we celebrated Christmas yesterday because Lover Boy had to work today, so it really is ok. It's just knowing that today really is Christmas.
Christmas eve is spent at my parents house eating dinner and exchanging gifts among the kids. Last night Uncle Justin asked (along with everyone else) where Little Princess was. "With her Daddy". Uncle Justin then asked if he could buy out her daddy's custody and what the price would be. I too feel that way sometimes. Rotating holidays, weekends, nights during the weeks it seems she misses out on so much. But I quickly remind myself that it's probably more important that she be with her daddy and spending time with him and his family than always with me.
It is hard though. I miss her so much when we have family get togethers that she's not able to participate in, I love watching her play with her cousins. Usually her daddy and I can work things out so that she can enjoy both families, but every now and then things fall on the same day and we have to choose. We let Little Princess choose, which she usually chooses to go with her daddy...and really I'm not offended in the slightest because she is so close to her cousins on his side and her sweet little step brother just adores her and so who wouldn't want to spend time with a bunch of kids your own age?!
Now that is the bitter...On to the sweet.
For very selfish reasons, it is nice because sometimes a Mommy just needs a break and rather than having to go through the hassle of hiring a babysitter, I know that on those nights Little Princess will be gone and with someone who I completely trust to care for her. I am able to get a lot of things done; ie Christmas Shopping and other tasks that are much easier to complete with out a child.
Little Princess and I were talking the other day about all her family. She has 2 daddy's, 2 mommy's, 2 brothers, countless gramma's and pappa's and bunches of uncles, aunts, and cousins. I told her how I only have 1 daddy and 1 mommy. That did confuse her a bit, she said that her daddy was my 2nd daddy, I told her no, he is only yours and Alan's (his step son) daddy. Then Little Princess offered Lover Boy to be my 2nd daddy. I tried to explain to her that he isn't my other daddy...wow that conversation was much harder that I imagined to explain to a 3yr old how she can have 2 daddy's and I can't. Phew, we survived it though.
Well Divorce truly is a bitter sweet. So much good can come from it; but regardless how much good comes it is still the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, and every now and then we are faced with the ugliness of it.
I'm not meaning to have a pity party for me. I'm not saying in any way that my divorce was so awful and hard to get through (I know that it was much better than most divorces), but even though it went through without lawyers and too much hate and bitterness it still doesn't make it easy. The ripples of the divorce will continue to affect me the rest of my life, Little Princesses life, her daddy's life, probably Lover Boy's life....and all the people who care for us.
I have found a happiness with Lover Boy that I only imagined before...maybe I'm more realistic and mature this go around?! I love my life and wouldn't ever want to change it. Little Princess's Daddy (in my perspective) has found someone whom he loves and she loves him back and they are very very happy. We are living out our "Happily Ever Afters", just not following the story book lines, but really who does?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Tough Lesson To Learn

This year we have been visited by elves. They have been looking in our windows and watching the kids. They report back to Santa at what they've seen. If the child is good and retains their spot on the "nice" list, the elves bring a special treat that is put in a designated stocking for prizes from the elves. Lover boy and I are the only ones who can talk to the elves and visit with them. Each night we report the happenings of the day, maybe when the elves weren't here something major happened.
It has been so much fun to wake up each morning and check the stockings. Little Princess finds so much joy in it and gets so excited to look in hers and Little Mans (since he's too little to check his own stocking). They have both been so good and received a gift each day.
Yesterday we went to visit our friend who had just had a baby. We had so much fun riding the Front Runner to Salt Lake and then jumping over to the Trax to take us up to University Hospital. When we got there we hadn't been there for more than 5 minutes when Little Princess started to whine about being thirsty. I reminded her that we would definitely get a drink and some lunch after we spent some time with the little miracle that was just sent to this earth. She continued to fuss and I not knowing how to quite deal with it, just ignored her. I continued to visit with my friend and admire the beautiful baby in her arms. Little Princess started to get louder and louder and more whiny. Soon she was on the floor spinning and kicking her legs. This is very unlike Little Princess. I started to get furious at her rude behavior. I reminded her that the elves might be watching (usually that reminder does the trick) she didn't even flinch at that threat. I couldn't put up with it any longer, we were leaving.
Now granted, it was about her nap time, but I still feel that she is old enough that she can keep herself calm for a minute. She certainly is mature enough to understand when she is being rude. As soon as we were in the hallway I explained to her that her behavior was completely rude and unacceptable. She apologized and informed me that she was about to die because of her thirst. LOL. So what could a good mother do besides rush to the hospital cafeteria to prevent Little Princess from dying?! So, that's what we did.
The cafeteria was quite small and very packed with people. Little Princess started to wander all over causing people carrying their trays to nearly trip over her. I told her she needed to stand by me in line and wait patiently so others could make their way around without dumping trays or tripping over her. Then in the snottiest voice imaginable came her response "Mom, I'm JUST trying to find me a drink." I lost it. Where did this beautiful Little Princess get such sass and snottiness?
After lunch, she returned to her sweet little self. She was so good riding the Trax and I was full of joy watching her play as we waited for nearly an hour for the Front Runner. She did amazingly well the entire ride home. She immediately fell asleep once we got in our car. When we got home I decided I'd let her sleep even though it was about 5:30 p.m. in hopes that she could just sleep through the night and feel better in the morning.
Lover Boy and I started watching "The NeverEnding Story" about 8:00, and in walked Little Princess. She was so sweet and cuddly. Lover Boy got her some dinner and then he told her that I'd informed him about her behavior early that day. She got shy and bashful, then he asked her if she thought the elves would bring her a gift. She said she thought they still would. Lover Boy and I stepped outside to report to the elves.
I told Lover Boy that she was being so good now, and for most of the day she had been. I then asked his opinion. He asked if I wanted his honest opinion, I knew what he thought after he said that much. My heart was crushed, because I knew she'd be so sad. He told me that I can't always give in. Of course she's cute and sweet now, she usually is, but I need to teach her that some behaviors are not ok, and being rude to a good friend is absolutely not acceptable behavior, regardless of her being tired. He was right.
As soon as we came in Little Princess asked what the elves said about her behavior for the day. I informed her that they had followed us on the train and applauded her behavior and for staying by Mommy all day, but they also watched through the windows at the hospital and were so shocked to see her throw such a tantrum, and especially in front of two little baby's that could learn from her. They were very disappointed at that behavior but would have to check with Santa to see if she would get a gift in the morning or not.
Morning came, and I was exhausted (I'd just spent 2 hours up with the baby) when Little Princess came down at 6:30 a.m. to see if it was wake up time. I informed her that not yet and that I still needed some sleep. She went to the stairs and sat on them. Lover Boy decided he'd get up with her and let me sleep in. (What a guy!) They came up stairs and Lover Boy asked Little Princess if she'd gotten anything from the elves, she ran to the bathroom and came back with the gift she'd gotten the day earlier, Lover Boy informed her that was from the other day and asked again if she'd gotten anything. She slowly walked to her stocking on the chair and turned it upside down and said "No, see it's empty today." They then had a little chat about why it was empty. Lover Boy said she understood why it was empty but she didn't cry or get angry.
I felt so sad when she told me the elves didn't leave her a gift last night, in her sad little voice. I asked her why and we had a little talk about it again. She did understand very well. She's very mature and it's easy to talk to her about things. She told me she was sorry for being rude and hurting my and my friends feelings and teaching the little baby's to whine and that she'd remember not to do it again. (I know that I can't expect it to never happen again, after all she is only 3)
I'm pretty sure this was a harder lesson for me to learn than it was for Little Princess. But I'm glad Lover Boy encouraged us both to learn from the experience. Some of the hard things are great blessing for us to learn from. Little Princess and I have both learned from our day.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A sad, sad day

(sniff, sniff) (deep breath, sigh, more sniffing)
Within the last 24 hours I've been bombarded with bad news from 2 of my truly closest friends. (Actually, if you are my friend you are considered a truly close friend...when I make friends, I get very close to them and they become an important part of my life, so when I say 2 of my truly closest it isn't meant to make any of my other friends feel that they are not, because if it was them I was refering to, I'd say the same....)
Totally differnt types of bad news...both of which have bright silver linings in one way or another, but still a little gray on the inside.
One friend is having problems in her life that I hope to never experience, yet through it all she's staying positive and saying how excited she is to move on with her life and that she knows God has something great in store for her. She's being so positive and handling this mishap so well, someone for me to totally look up to and admire, although I always have because she's always been such a good example to me. She's always taken care of me and acted like my big sister. I love her dearly and wish her all the happiness that she deserves.
My other dear friend just sent me a text message informing me that her husband did get the job that he'd applied for and that they will be moving to Arizona as soon as they are able to sell their home. Ugh...
Now I guess I'll survive. It's not like we spend every day together. But just knowing that we can't stop by her house or just take the kids to lunch anymore just sucks.
Let me reminisce about our friendship...
The first time I met/saw Krissie was the first day of 8th grade, we had science together in good ol' Mr. Heslop's class. She's the type of girl you instantly notice; she's beautiful, outgoing personality, and so fun. I didn't like her though...but that's just because I was jealous. We were wearing the same shorts, they were striped and I thought I looked so cute (and in 8th grade looks are highly important) until I saw her in them. Now hopefully she wont hate me for saying this on here, but she has a cute butt and so of course the shorts looked much cuter than on my "no butt" bottom.
By 9th grade we were acquaintences and kinda friends. Although I never had another class with her in Jr. High, we did share all the same friends. I remember I hung out with her the last day of school in 9th grade and we actually had conversation at the little taco place on 12th and Washington. Then in 10th grade we had crafts class together: that's were our friendship became more than just slight friends, she became my best friend. We became inseperable. We could laugh so hard and be the biggest retards, remember skipping down the hallway with our hoodies cinched up tight and our arms flapping out like spaghetti noodles....LOL. Oh and then once we ate an entire Marie Calendar's pie to our little selves, yummy Lemon Crunch Pie, I wish they still made that delicious bit of heaven. We spent countless nights without sleep while we just talked and talked and laughed and cried. We did cause a bit of havoc too...which we will both remember in our own heads....LOL.
We drifted a little bit after high school. Life just changed course for us, I still considered her my best friend, but one that I seldom hung out with. But when we would get together it was as if no time had passed. Then as life went on we reconnected right before she moved to Alabama with her husband for the Army, I was sad that she'd left then but I knew she'd be gone only about 1 year. A few months after she'd moved I got a phone call announcing some very happy news: she was finally pregnant, she'd been trying for quite some time and it was a very stressful time for her. I was so excited for her, then about 3 months later I found out that I was pregnant. She was due in March and I in June. Turns out we both had sweet little girls.
I've had so much fun raising our girls together, Ivy loves Sotera. These 2 girls are so cute together and both are so smart and advanced for their ages that it really is good that they can play together occassionally.
When I found out I was pregnant in March I of course blurted the news to a very few friends that I lived with and then decided I wouldn't tell another friend til I knew what on earth I was going to do, but when I saw Krissie I had to tell her. She shared my pain but also was the first person to show me true excitement and happiness in the situation. Then 2 months later we went to lunch with our little princesses and Krissie told me that God must want us to be friends for a long time because he keeps sending us children together. I was so excited, again we were able to be prego together. A few months later, even better news came; she too was having a boy.
Now we are just waiting for this little baby boy of hers to make his debut; and then she informs me of the great news that Chad got the job (which it really is good news for their family, it's a good job and one that he will do well at I'm sure). I'm so bummed. I was completely excited to start having regular playdates with the kiddos and spend more time together now that I'm not working and we have a bit more similar life and schedule.:(
I had to call her when I got the disturbing text and she's assured me that she will be visiting quite frequently and that's for sure because she's already had the talk with her husband when the possibility of a move came up.
I love you Krissie and am really excited for this new adventure you and your family will go on, but just know that I will really miss you and am so sad that you are leaving. I love you.

Now here's some pics...the only ones I have on my computer. Brief background for them, when I found out Daniel wanted a divorce my family was taking a vacation to Disneyland at Christmas time. Daniel told me on Dec 12 that he was done, our marriage was a failure. My dad suggested that I ask Krissie to go with me. I was taking a flight a day after the rest of the family and staying in a different hotel, so I surely didn't want to go all alone. Luckily Krissie has a very kind and understanding husband who allowed her (which such little notice) at such a busy time of year to come and spend time with a friend who needed her. Thank you Chad!! I had a blast and still always talk about that trip.

How stinking cute is that? Holding hands. Awww!

Our beautiful little princesses.

And 2 years later still such cute little friends.

And to my other friend, I love you and know that much goodness is laying ahead of you in the path that your life is heading on now.
I've been so blessed with the friends that I have in my life. Each one is very special and unique in the way that they have helped me. I admire all of my friends and look up to each and every one. They have taught me much and influenced me for the good. If I ever have a struggle I know that I can count on my friends to help me through. They are such awesome support and comfort. My family is of course my best of friends too. When I refer to my friends, my family is included, and often when I refer to family, my friends could all be counted right there with them. Thanks to everyone who has been my friend along my journey of life. I'm truly blessed.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Oh what a night.....

So an update on how Little Man survived last night in his big boy crib.

Around 6:30 p.m. he was ready for his dinner feeding. I decided it might be better to bathe him first to help soothe him and get him ready for bedtime after eating. (Yes, we do go to bed this early in my home, especially when Little Princess is with her daddy) So we bathed quickly and started feeding him by 6:45. He of course fell asleep while finishing his dinner. SO.....I laid him in his crib, surrounded him with rolled blankets and pillows to make him feel as though he were still being held. His sweet eyes cracked open to look at me, I kissed his forehead, said my "I love you's" and with that headed out of his room. He squirmed for a second, then I didn't hear another sound so I went downstairs. Lover Boy got the baby monitor and took one up to Little Man's bed and got it all working. Not a sound...
11:30 p.m. came around and a little cry on the baby monitor woke me, time to eat. Same routine as above.
3:14 a.m. and a much heartier cry broke out on the monitor, again it was time to eat.
3:44 a.m. a little fuss, I ran upstairs and by the time I made it to Little Man, he was back to sleep.
3:52 a.m. another little fuss, (you'd think I'd just lay and listen for a minute after learning from 8 minutes earlier) I ran upstairs again as good as I could that early in the morning...asleep again. Next time I will just listen for a minute.
6:20 a.m. I went to wake up the sleeping babe so we could take his daddy to work.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Can't hardly believe it

Lover boy took today off from his job to work at home on a website he's creating for a business. This morning he told me to get upstairs and do something and he'd watch the Little Man for a while. I've been trying to get the stinking bedspread made for Little Man, but since he just loves me so much and needs to be held constantly by me I've yet to get it finished...or even close so that's what I decided to work on. Pretty soon Lover boy was upstairs cleaning Little Mans carpets so that we could finally move the crib in the house. He informed me that Little Man had fallen asleep while doing tummy time. I love watching my baby sleep so I sneaked down stairs to take a peek. Sure enough he was cuddled on his tummy sleeping away. I went back upstairs and continued sewing. After a while I heard Little Man crying, so I rushed downstairs to get him...he was on his back. He'd rolled over!! Can you believe it? He's only 6 weeks old. My Little Princess never rolled over, well maybe once or twice or a few more times but I know for sure she was much older. This is all new to me. Now I'm going to have to be much safer with where I lay him down, no more on the counter while I'm fixing his bottle:(.
It was quite an exciting day though. Such a big boy!
So while he's being a big boy, I'm attempting at having him sleep upstairs tonight. YIKES!! Normally, he sleeps right outside my bedroom door in his car seat. For some reason he and the Little Princess (when she was an infant) only sleep well in their car seats. Tonight though I laid him in his big boy crib, he fussed for a minute I think because he's afraid of the dark, so I turned on the closet light for his comfort and he just started sucking the life out of his binky, closed his eyes, and went right to sleep. Lover boy put the the baby monitor up there and tested it out for me; everythings a go! Let's see if I get any sleep or if I'm up all night running up there to check on him. Could be a big step for us though.
Can I just say that I have a very very easy baby. Both have been so good and easy. ONCE AGAIN WHAT A BLESSED GIRL I AM!!

Monday, December 8, 2008

An early visit from you know who....

I had just settled into bed with a good movie playing, "The Holiday". It was early (7:30 p.m.), but the kids had crashed and Lover Boy and I decided to take advantage of that and head to bed too. Just then he got up and said we had a visitor. He saw taillights out our bedroom window so he peaked and saw some people. We were both surprised at why specific people would be at our house.
Then there was a loud knock on the back door. I ran to open it and was greeted with a "HOHOHO!" When I tried to invite this person in, they denied and said to grab some shoes and Lover Boy. We were both very curious at this point.
When we made it up the stairs to head outside, a few "elves" were at the back door on their way into the house with arms full of food and diapers! Tears filled my eyes. How on earth am I so lucky and fortunate to always be taken care of.

I forced the tears back, swallowed the lump in my throat and just wanted to be happy smiling. Load after load was carried into our kitchen. After "Santa" and his "Elves" left, Lover Boy and I stood there in complete amazement for at least 5 minutes...no exaggeration. Lover Boy asked why these wonderful people would do such a thing for us. The only explanation I could come up with is LOVE. Love is what Christmas is truly all about. How blessed we are to be so loved!!
We left everything right where it was so that Little Princess could see this amazing blessing when she woke up. So when I woke her up this morning I told her to run upstairs and look in the kitchen. She got so excited and had to ask what for. Of course I told her she just would have to find out for herself. So she went upstairs full of excitement and as soon as she reached the kitchen she stared to giggle. I asked her what she thought. First thing she said was that the diapers were for the baby. Her face a wide smile that reached from ear to ear. Then Lover Boy and I asked her who brought this to us. She smiled and said "Santa did".
All day she has been referring to it as her Christmas gift from Santa. Even a little 3 year old was so excited for this heap of food.
Thank you so much for removing a little stress from our lives and replacing it with so much excitement and love.

Lover boy sure does love me

Once again let me tell you what a lucky girl I am. Lover boy is so good to me and our family. Last month our finances were a bit short, with me not working and having the baby and his family visiting and the time that was taken from work to spend with them we just came up short. We were short our house payment.
When I realized this I did what I do best...panicked. He assured me that he would have the money by the first, which was 26 hours away. Sure enough within 12 hours of the promise I received a phone call from him at work asking me to pick him up right then because he had someone coming to look at some items that he'd posted for sale that morning. The man that came bought everything, equaling out the exact amount that we needed.
The things that he sold are his passions. Things I would never have thought that he'd sale. I was quite emotional the rest of the evening. When I asked him if he was sad and regretted it, he said yes he was extremely sad to not have those things anymore, but that he in no way regretted it because our family is far more important than the material things. That sent me into tears immediately.
If you know my previous situation when I was married, it was quite different (and of course that's just my side of the story). Ex husband is a great man, I still love him as a person, however we just had different expectations out of life, marriage, and one another.
I have never expected to be treated so well by someone. That act of giving up what he loves so much for me means more to me than so many other things. As I sit here reflecting on this, I realized that this wasn't the first time he's given up something important to him for me. He did the same thing about 9 months ago when we'd first met. I again was in a financial bind when my brakes went out on my car and of course I needed to fix those. He saw that I was worried how I was going to pay for that and he sold his laptop that night and handed me the money.
He takes such good care of us and now I know I really don't have to worry...he finds a way always to help us. The most wonderful thing though that I appreciate so much too, is that he takes it upon himself to find a solution. He doesn't suggest asking my parents or someone else to help when he knows that there is another possible way.
Thank you Lover Boy!!