changing my name

after much debate and consideration, i think i must change my name. no, no, not my last name but my first name. i think it should be grace. kinda pretty huh?

my mom has teased me that i used to be her little ballerina, and aren't ballerina's graceful? well as each year passed (now this is when i was much younger) i became more and more of a clutz and my mom would tease that it was a good thing she didn't name me grace. for the last few years i have been rather impressed with myself and assumed that stage of my life was over. i was regaining some "grace".

well, of course my luck ran out. a month or so ago i ate it while walking on campus. a nerve got pinched in my hip and gave me no warning what-so-ever and i went face first into the snow. fortunately there was snow. everyone around assumed i had just slipped on the ice. no big deal, my hip (the pinched nerve) was killing me and this exact thing had happened just a few days earlier where I couldn't stand for nearly 15 minutes, however i was at home when it happened. so being in the middle of the sidewalk at school i quickly looked up to the heavens and pleaded that i be able to stand at least this day. it hurt and was difficult but i managed to get my butt up.


i was feeling good this morning. got up early. ate breakfast. was on time and didn't need to rush. yes, it was a good morning, a good start to the week....that is until 8:10 am hit just moments after i stepped off the trax. I was crossing the busy street up by campus, you know the one where the VA hospital is, and just east of there are all the big medical centers...and you know at this time there is a BUNCH of traffic. so anyways, i was feeling good almost to the point of whistling...until my body lunged forward, my feet did some dance that they were never trained to do for about 10-15ft and then SMACK and the awful sound of brakes screeching on a car! my feet didn't rescue me, instead they attracted everyone around attention leading in for the grand finale. i somehow managed to not only fall in the street but i did some acrobats. you know, if you're gonna fall might as well make it worth it?! i somersaulted. not sure how, but i did with my extra large back pack on.

I laid there for a minute, wide-eyed, mouth slightly ajar and then realized i better get up before i hear more screeching brakes.

Normally, this sort of thing doesn't embarrass me much. I can usually laugh a sincere laugh....but today's display of my lack of grace was anything but "normal". i was mortified. while i laid there i honestly had hoped someone would rush over and help me up, so that i'd at least have a laughing partner, one with whom i could pretend that i wasn't so embarrassed. but i never saw an extended arm, only blue sky. so i bravely lifted my neck (the whole time wishing the darn car would've just hit me) and saw people standing with their hands over their mouths. really? did they think they could disguise the fact that they were laughing at the performance I had given? the girl who was closest mustered out "ah, ah, arrre (hee hee) yyyou ok? (hee hee)"
I smiled and nodded with my eyes closed.

i kicked my feet, as if i were shaking the humiliation from me, grabbed my cracked water bottle, and whatever pride i could muster up at that point and turned myself around to continue walking to class.

it was over. it happened. now get over it i told myself for 50 minutes that should have been spent learning about databases. after class i took a deep breath and started my walk across campus to my next class. during my walk, i felt someone grab my arm and a sweet voice ask if i was ok. i looked at her with question in my eyes and she explained that she had seen me earlier but was laughing too hard to help me. i busted up laughing and assured her that i was fine; other than a few scrapes and bruises and that big old dent in my pride.

serves me right i guess. last semester a boy was riding his bike around campus and for no apparent reason he went over the handle bars and fell to the ground, his books flew into the air and scattered like confetti. I couldn't help but burst out in laughter. today it was karma, complete karma.