Reflections of the Year Past

The past few years I've decided that instead of setting New Years Resolutions, I'd focus on the things that I learned the previous year and just try to learn from those lessons this next year. As I was snooping through blogs I saw some questions about 2008 that you answer. I am going to do it in this format for this years reflections.

What did you do in 2008 that you have never done before?
There were so many things this past year that were "new" for me. But one that I hope to never experience again was when I snapped. I freaked out over absolutely nothing, and the worse part of that was that I knew there was no reason for me to freak out. I tried to calm myself down by taking a drive a admiring new home architecture. It didn't work, so I headed back home. I sat and stewed and stewed for hours. I became totally irrational and miserable. I scared my Little Princess because I was crying so uncontrollably and hitting my legs. It was not a pretty sight. Then Lover Boy came home and I unleashed on him. This is completely humiliating for me to admit but I'm going to so I never forget how easily I slipped and freaked out in an attempt to never let it happen again. I attacked poor Lover Boy. He suffered a severe and brutal physical beating. Now for those of you who know Lover Boy, it's quite hard to imagine that I could take him on. He's a foot taller with extra weight, but he didn't do one thing to stop me. He took it all. It disgusts me completely that I acted the way that I did. And just to put a silver lining on my ugly behavior...at least I attacked him and not Little Princess. That is a thought that completely terrifies me. Luckily for me Lover Boy is forgiving and understanding. I immediately saw my Dr about it and got medicated.

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for 2009?
Like I said I don't like to make resolutions because I usually forget about them and so I don't keep them. Why set myself up for failure? However I do want to focus on putting those I love first. Not be so selfish this year.

Did anyone close to you give birth in 2008?
Well I did of course, in November I gave birth to Little Man.
In January my Sister-in-law gave birth to a very beautiful little girl. She's so cute and we've spent the entire 2008 falling in love with her and watching her grow.
Then in the nic of time to have an '08 baby, one of my bestest friends had a very very cute little boy right before Christmas. Who I need to go and see again!!

Did anyone close to you die in 2008?
Not anyone close to me. I don't think I've been to a funeral in a few years. Thank goodness...Knock on wood.

What vacations did you take this year?
In February I went to Denver CO to see my fantasy boyfriend, lol, James Blunt. My good friend Emily was going to go with me, but her schooling and work didn't cooperate. Luckily Lover Boy is from there so I was able to talk him into going with me. I had a lot of fun meeting his family and friends, seeing James Blunt, and staying a day with my good friend who I hadn't seen since she'd moved to Colorado a few years earlier.
In April or so, my family took a vacation to Lake Powell. My sweet friend Maria went with me. We had a good time driving down there and talking about both of our struggles that we were facing at the moment and then laughing about all our fun times and crazy things we've done. The weather was anything but nice once we got there. Being on the Lake was not so much fun, but we did have fun at Goblin Valley.
In July Lover Boy and I took Little Princess and my little sister to California to Disneyland, Seaworld, and the beach. I had so much fun. It was a nice short vacation, but one that I really needed. It was fun to spend time with those that I love so much and be carefree without the worry of work or errands or what not. We just did whatever we wanted and didn't plan too much. It was a good time.
Then for Labor Day my family spent the weekend at Bear Lake. Lover Boy and I stayed in a tent, which really was fun. It's been a few years since I'd stayed in a tent so that was fun. Although it was quite uncomfortable being pregnant, but still a good memory.

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I would really like to have a sense of peace of happiness. 2008 felt like I was always stressed about something and I focused more on the negative than the positive.

What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
hmm...that's a tough one. I usually always remember dates. So there's going to be a lot of dates that I'll remember. But maybe the most prominent will be the day I got pregnant. It was a freak out day because I knew I just knew I was pregnant.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Letting Lover Boy in my life. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to let anyone in again. As much as I just wanted my life to return to the way it was when I was married I had major issues and I didn't want to trust anyone ever again. I could just continue life on my own without having to worry about someone else. It's easier to rely on myself than try to count on someone else. But I'm glad that Lover Boy and I are working through these issues and that he has the patience to wait for me.

What was your biggest struggle in 2008?
My biggest struggle came from my pregnancy. I lost some of my very close friends as I clung to Lover Boy to strengthen our relationship. It was very hard for me to be in my situation, pregnant and unmarried and unsure of where my relationship with Lover Boy was going. I knew my parents would be disappointed and I was terrified to tell them. It was just an experience that I don't ever want to be in again, but it has been worth it now.

What was the best thing you bought this year?
I have most enjoyed my camera I bought for myself for mothers day. My old camera had gotten stolen so I'd been without a camera for about a year. It has been so much fun having a way to record special moments.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Little Princesses. She potty trained herself this year. I didn't want to stress about potty training her and push that stress onto her, so I never really enforced her to use the potty. Luckily for me she trained herself while Lover Boy babysat her one weekend. His toilet was lower than ours was and she could reach the light herself, she just started going on her own while he was watching her for me. It was awesome!!

Whose behavior dissappointed you?
This one does seem to be a bit pointless. However there was one person last year whose behavior did completely disappoint me. It was a reaction to something and on one hand I completely understand her response but on the other, it was so not a response that I needed. In fact it did great damage to our relationship. But, now that time has passed and we're moving on with our lifes it is ok. It was a response that neither of us could control, but one that hurt me very deeply.

Where did most of your money go?
Same place as always: Bills

What did you get really really excited about this year?
I was really really excited when I first saw James Blunt in February. It was so awesome. And then I was really excited when I took Ivy to see him in August.

Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, much nicer or much richer?
Much happier? Yes! Much nicer? Hmmm...I don't know about that one, I'm pretty moody these days. Much richer? Yes and No! I don't have more money, but Lover Boy has let me stay home with the kids so I feel much richer. Lol.

What do you wish you had done more of?
SMiling. I didn't smile a whole lot last year. My hormones were just messy and I was confused with what to do with my life.

What do you wish you had done less of?
Complaining. I was a major complainer. Everything just irritated me, nothing was good enough. Pretty pathetic.

Did you fall in love in 2008?
Most definately. I fell in love with Lover Boy, fell in love with Little Princess all over again, and then as soon as I met Little Man I instantly fell in love with him. Falling in love is the best of wonderful feelings. Nothing quite compares.

What was your favorite TV Program in 2008?
Well my TV went out in early 2008 so I didn't watch much TV. However Lover Boy did download the seasons of The OC, Lost, and Grey's Anatomy. I loved watching those and getting caught up what I had missed over the years.

What was the best book you read this year?
Whoa, I'm quite pathetic when it comes to reading. I don't read much. However I did read one book, Come Back that was an amazing story. It is a true story. I don't know if I recommend it though. Despite it being so touching and making me cry throughout it, it is the type of book that scares me to death. It's the story of a young girl who was molested by her father as a child. The book goes back and forth from the mother telling her side of the awful true story and the daughter telling her side. This young girl was completely messed up from the ugly acts committed by her father when she was under the age of 3. It was very good, but also scary for me to think about (Little Princess was the same age as the young girl being abused).

What did you want and get?
Funny. I had been so baby hungry for about 6 months before I found out I was pregnant. I had decided that I would just get a dog (and for those who know me pretty well, that is very unlike me, I do NOT do animals). I was dead set on getting a dog. Luckily I found out I was pregnant while searching for the "perfect" one.

What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn?
I turned 27 in 2008. I worked that day. My mom brought me balloons and donuts to work. It was a very slow day and I just wanted to go home and sleep. Then when I got home Lover Boy took me to SL to PF Changs. He asked what I'd like to do in the big city while we were there, but I told him to just take me home and put me to bed. Mind you I was about 7 months pregnant and just exhausted all the time.

What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
hmm....I honestly don't know. Maybe if I would've taken advantage of my time better and spent more quality time with Little Princess.

How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year?
Lacking, very lacking. I turned into the person I never thought I could become. I've always been the type to get very ready just to go to the grocery store. I always had to have my hair done and make up on and a complete outfit put together. However this year I wore my PJs out a lot. I wore my slippers (care bear slippers) to the very nice salon to get my hair done. One day i caught myself in PJ pants, with my ugly snow boots pulled over them, an oversized sweat shirt and my daughters hair clip holding my bangs back. I laughed the entire way home from the Credit Union when I realized how silly I must've looked in there. Poor Lover Boy for having to be seen with me that day.

What kept you sane this year?
Well once I realized that I truly had a problem and was on the verge on insanity, ZOLOFT came in and rescued me. I loved that little pill.

What celebrity did you fancy most?
This year I seemed so out of it. I didn't watch much TV, didn't go to the movie theater once, oh wait I did see one movie. I'll have to say it was Mr. James Blunt. I saw him in concert 2 times.

Who did you miss this past year?
I missed all of my friends. We all went different directions this year and it sucked. But most of all I missed my friend Emily. We had gotten so close (she'd gone through a serious break-up the same time I went through my divorce). We helped each other get pass so much heart ache and then this year we hardly got together. Life.

Who were the best new people you met this year?
Hands down, my Little Man. He's absolutely wonderful and perfect.

2008 wasn't my favorite year but in actuality is was a very good year that I learned a ton about myself. I met Lover Boy and have grown to love him so much and admire him. I've thought alot about myself and how to become a better person. I learned a lot from all the experiences that I faced that will hopefully make me better.