Saturday, February 28, 2009

Weight, a girls best friend....LOL

Being a female, we often times if not constantly obsess about our physique. I am one who is constantly obsessing. Growing up I was small but not a stick skinny little girl, like my sister Kimi. I had friends who were and I remember being fully aware of it since preschool. I had a friend at Page's Preschool, Brianne, and she was a tall skinny girl. I've always been conscious of my size. Then the lovely years of high school came. If I only had a scanner I'd show the transition from pre-puberty to during etc. My sophomore year started out ok. I was what I'd consider to be average. But then by the time Senior year rolled around I was huge. Then a year after that I got even bigger. I was fully aware of my size. I hated that I was so much bigger than my friends. Then suddenly it started to go away. I've never been a person to diet or exercise, I always just eat whatever and sometimes I'll exercise but never consistently. I got so much more self confidence after losing some weight. Eventually I got to be pretty comfortable with myself. Still very conscious, but comfortable.

Anyways, I still always notice if my pants are a little bit snug or my arms are toned or flabby. I've been obsessing quite badly lately. Still, not really changing my eating or exercising excessively but each day I stand in front of the mirror and notice what I like and what I don't like. Sad thing is I'm definately on the smaller end of my physique spectrum, but the list of things I don't like is far longer than the list of things I do. I suppose that it might always just be that way, no matter what size or how old I might just always obsess about it. Hopefully it'll change, maybe I need to practice "The Secret" and convince myself that I'm happy with me.

Today I was definately having a "fat" day. Stupid thing is, I know that I shrunk my pants because the length is about flooding. So I know that the reason my pants are so snug is that I shrunk them, yet I can't help but hate the feeling of my sides gushing over the top of my pants and barely being able to bend down and that just makes me feel yucky! But then, Little Princess and I had our cute little friends birthday party to attend this afternoon. As soon as we walked in my sweet friend Krissie told me that she just had to tell me about this compliment. So I listened, our friend (who in my perception has a perfect little body) was in a store and saw a girl with a brand of jeans on that she also owned. She thought they looked so good on this girl and wanted hers to look like that on her. The girl turned her head was ME! She didn't say anything to me that day, I guess she just turned and walked out of the store. She ended up at the birthday party too, and told me the same story. I was amazed. I never in a million years thought any one would think that about me. Now as pathetic as it will sound but I'll say it anyways, it made my day! It was a good day to hear a compliment like that.

I hope that you won't read this thinking that I'm bragging or being concieted, because I assure you that is not my intention. It just so funny to me how such a little comment can make me feel so much better.


Dawn said...

ya baby you're hot!

Mandy and Nate said...

I think you always look great!! Wish I could eat whatever I wanted and look that good!! Your one hot mama!!

Melissa said...

You know, I was the same way from as far back as I could remember as well. The sad thing is that we see ourselves in a way that others don't! When you posted your pictures the other day with you laying on the floor I though "holy cow, she looks GREAT after having a baby....why did she want to join the BL group?". Because seriously you look awesome! But ya, it's a girl thing...if we don't look like this or that, we think we don't measure up. Hopefully some day you'll realize you are gorgeous and see more good than bad!

Ben and Ash said...

I totally get that whole comment thing. I could go for days on a good comment, especially if its regarding something I feel insecure about, like appearance or weight. That being said, not because I think you are fishing for a comment, but because this is a sincere and true comment; you really do look FABULOUS! I have always thought you were so beautiful, but even more so now! Which isn't that easy to do after having kids and close to 10 years have past since I saw you last. Most people seem to go the other way (me included-lol:)). I vote you take a picture of you in your cute pants and let us all see how darling you look!!!:)

Chad, Krissie & Sotera said...

Oh yah!! I'm glad the compliment brightened your day! I knew it would! You are stinkin hot & I wish I could look that good after having a baby. But I prove that I take at least 9 months to get back into an ok state!!! :) Love You & you do have a cute bum in those jeans!!!