Thursday, October 1, 2009

Decisions, decisions...what to do?

Little Princess's daddy asked me a week ago if we could meet sometime and talk. I thought it was a great idea, but as soon as I agreed nerves set in. What did he want to talk about? (you know when someone says "we need to talk" there's usually a negative connotation) Was I in trouble for something? I asked him if I should be nervous and he said there was no need so I let the fear leave, for a today crept nearer I began to get nervous again...The hour before I was to meet him I was a wreck, I thought I was gonna puke, a major headache came on.

We met at TGIFridays to have an appetizer and drinks. We just talked about everyday happenings for about 45 minutes or so...dun dun dun dun...then he got quiet, repositioned himself and I knew the reason for the meeting was finally to be addressed...NOT WHAT I EXPECTED!! He asked me if it'd be okay if we rotate years with Little Princess. Not quite following him I asked him to clarify because we do already rotate years, as in holidays etc...He expanded and meant her living arrangements. My heart sunk. He asked me not to react immediately but to really think about it. Honestly, does more time thinking about it make it any less severe? My palms started sweating...heart racing...tear ducts forming tears...

He explained to me how hard it is on him not seeing her everyday. I explained that really we do split 50/50. I have thought in the past how hard it would be to be in his shoes or any non-custodial parents for that matter. It would be the most difficult that I would never want to be in. My heart really ached for him. I was not angry at his suggestion, but saddened by the sincerity of his need for her in his life.

I'm selfish, I need her!! I NEED my Little Princess. After another hour of him pouring out his heart about other issues that he needed to get off his chest I still couldn't get my mind to grasp what a year without her living in my home would be like. We returned to the topic of her and I told him I wasn't sure that would be the best thing for her. He assured me that she wouldn't be changing schools or anything, she'd stay on the same schedule. And suggested that I speak to a professional about the issue, someone at her school or where I took the step parent classes at who have degrees and deal with similar situations on a regular basis; he really does want what is best for his daughter. Still my stomach couldn't handle it...I suggested that maybe for the summer she could live at his house and I'd have visitation rights. That'd be easier on me and maybe less confusing on her, it'd be like a summer vacation thing.

Our current situation is she is with me on Monday and Thursday and him Tuesday and Wednesday and then we rotate weekends. To me that is 50/50. Granted now that I'm not working I do get to spend Tuesday and Wednesday with her while he is at work, but still....My heart is torn, how can I deny her father rights to his daughter? He is an amazing dad, there is absolutely no denying that. She loves him. But did I mention that I NEED her!!

We sat and talked for 3 hours! It was a great talk. He is one of my most dear friends and I was glad to spend the time with him. I'm so grateful that we have remained friends and are able to be so open and close and honest with each other. We are so very fortunate when I see others that fight and bicker over every little thing. We have a great relationship!

About my Domestic Diva adventure:

I failed on my cleaning duties today. I was "scheduled" to clean the bathrooms. But honestly I just didn't feel like it, Lover Boy and I was up far too late last night watching a hilarious movie and I was just exhausted today (and I had the awful nerves getting the better of me) so I didn't clean; instead I took a lovely nap and had a wonderful visit with Steph.

Sergei did text me this afternoon asking if I was cooking dinner tonight. I knew that I was but wasn't quite sure what it'd be because I didn't know how long I'd be with Little Princess's dad so I figured we'd do something simple. He asked if I could make soup because he had a Russian soup recipe. I told him I could follow a recipe, but not to expect perfection. He said he'd grab the groceries and bring them over. He arrived right when I was heading out the door, so I told him I'd make it when I returned.

I guess I was too long (LOL got home at 8:00) because when I walked in the aroma of something delicious over took my sense of smell. They made the soup for me tonight. It was delicous; it had 1/2 cabbage, beef, 1 jar of chopped clams, 2 onions, 5 carrots, mushrooms, 2 cans of beets and 5 potatoes, 4 oz. tomato paste seasoned with season salt, garlic salt and pepper. It was a perfect dinner for such a cold heater isn't working so our house feels like winter! This made a ton (and when I say a ton I mean like 2 large pots) of soup.

*sigh* My heart is still torn...hopefully I'll be able to sleep.

Note: I asked Little Princess her opinion on the living situation suggested by her dad and she got so excited and said she'd love it ...heart ache...

~If you feel so inclined to leave a comment please do NOT bring any negativity onto Little Princess's daddy.


Melissa said...

Oh Trichelle, I'm sorry, what a hard decision to have to make! I hope you are able to make the right one! It would be much easier if he was a bad dad, but I understand. If I were in that situation, Alan is a great dad as well and I know he'd be heart broken to not have the kids with him all the time! Good luck!

Mandy and Nate said...

What a hard thing to have to think about. It would be super hard to have to decide what is best for everyone. I do like the summer idea with visitation rights. Man I couldn't go a year with out seeing my kids. But a weekend here or there would be nice. LOL

Dawn said...

I think you have the intuition of what is right. The summer was a great idea and very fair. You are very generous and kind and I hope you don't let this worry you anymore.

AlexFam said...

Wow. You are so kind to stop and really consider every angle. How about starting on a smaller scale? Start out rotating months. This would eliminate the weekday shuffle, the weekend swap, the driving back and forth. It would also give both mom and dad a small dose of what the extended absence would be like, instead of asking just one parent to give Ivy up for a year. But maybe that would not be the best thing for Ivy.

Consult a professional...for sure.

amity said...

trichelle, i can't even imagine hoe you are feeling. the only advice i can give is to turn it over to the lord. pray earnestly and he will help you know what is right. you deserve to not have to clean the bathroom. what an emotional day you must have had. i love you and you are one of the best mothers i know.

i am so glad to see you put the recipe on your blog for the russian soup. i love soup but my kids do not eat it very well.

also i know a really good heating and air conditioning guy who is alway looking for work and will probably work for cheap because any work is good work for him and his family. let me know if you want his number.

please feel free to call if you need anything, even if it is just to talk. you are in my prayers. love you.

Chad, Krissie, Sotera & Slade said...

Oh how I Love You!!! I am sorry is all I will say!!! I have no idea what this must be like, but I am glad that Daniel is such a great dad! But you are also a wonderful mother! I am here if you ever need to talk!!! I love you sooooo much!!! I hope you feel better soon!! ~:)

Stephanie said...

I honestly think that things should stay the way they are. You already said that her living situation is a 50/50 split so it would be unfair otherwise, not only for you, but for Ivy, for Joe, and for Zayden who would miss out on a majority of her life as well as her missing out on theirs. I know Daniel is a great guy and Father so he probably didn't view it in that way, he just viewed it as spending more time with his daughter, but when it comes down do it he is asking you guys to spend less time with her. Which I could see if he only had her every other weekend like most Dad's, but like you said he gets her 50% of the time and that is fair enough. Plus, I know Ivy loves her Daddy and it might be exciting at first, but she is also used to having her Mommy half the time and eventually the newness of the situation would wear off and she would be unhappy because she would miss you. Less time with you guys will always cause the bond between all of you to lessen. I know a part of you feels guilty for not wanting to do this because Ivy does have a great Father who wants to spend time with here where a lot of kids don’t have that, but don’t look at it that way. What you have to look at is what is best for Ivy. Is it better for her to spend a majority of her life with her Dad, or is it better for her to spend an equal amount of time with her Mom and her Dad?